Wednesday, December 15, 2010

"Get Glasses, Alice!"

Back in the ‘80’s, when I lived in New York, there was a television commercial that came on quite frequently. The protagonist – a yuppy’ish, urban woman – kept running into things. And so her friends kept imploring, “Get glasses, Alice!”

Needless to say, the ad was for a glasses-making outfit.

It might have been LensCrafters. In fact, I think it was. (And who knew, by the way, that they’d make such bank – 25 or so years later – when a certain perky pitbull from Alaska took center stage at a certain convention, but… that’s another story.)

Lately, I’ve been remembering the ad. I’ve been hearing someone whisper into my ear: “Get glasses, Alice!”

I am desperately in need of a visit to the eye doctor. (So desperate in fact that my audio-hallucinations allow someone to call me “Alice.”)

But it’s not that I don’t already have glasses…

I have three pairs.

From front to back, they are: the reading and beading glasses, for those activities that take place about 9-12 inches from my eyes; the computer glasses (which I am wearing now) – recommended for a 17-inch or so distance; and the movie and driving glasses, which I’ve lately worn on occasion when watching TV in my living room.

So, yes, I have glasses, but it may be time to make the leap.

I love it that what were once “trifocals” are now called “progressives.” That is, dare I say, progressive.

And while I am also of that ilk (progressive, I mean), I dread the next step.

The last time I was at the eye doctor (which was more than a year ago), I asked if it were time to “go there.”

He didn’t think so. “As long as you go through part of your day without glasses, then it isn’t time.” Because, as he explained, once you wear progressives, you’re committed to wearing glasses. All the time.

So that’s my dilemma. When I’m not reading or beading; when I’m not at the computer; when I’m not driving or watching a movie… I am generally not wearing glasses. And so: I don’t think of myself as a person who wears glasses.

But then… there are times when I look very closely at a shelf in my bathroom.


Maybe I need bathroom glasses, I think.

Or, there are those occasions when I’m meeting with a new client for the first time, and because my purse isn’t all that big, I’ve not brought along the various glasses. The driving pair is in the car, but otherwise, I am free of corrective lenses… I ask my new client for a business card, and she hands it to me. I then look at it, and I hope that those blurry lines I am looking at include an email address and a telephone number.

Of course, if the meeting’s going particularly well (and they usually do), I can just make a joke as I stretch out my arm so as to view the card.

But… even that move is getting dicey. So I wonder… should I shop for a purse large enough to carry all my glasses or should I see if any stores sell arm extenders – in which case, I suppose, I’d still need a larger purse.

I guess the best next step is to schedule an appointment with my eye doctor…

Actually, I’d like to see him again.

We always enjoy talking about current events and so forth.

We respect each other’s views.

Which is to say, we share a vision.

Which is to say… he’s delightfully progressive.


Paul C said...

My wife teases me about my reading classes strewn all over the house: on the kitchen table, beside the Lazy Boy, several around my computer. I, too, face dilemmas when my reading glasses are not with me like at the grocery store to check out if the soup has any additives....Entertaining writing!

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

The new name is so much better than tri-focal. Straining is no good, go see the good doc right away!

Anonymous said...

Not heard them called that but sounds good! I have needed glasses for this or that since aged 12. The first frame were sort of slanted and Audrey Hepburn-ish. I loved them because they had cherry red frames with sparkly bits in the side. Made me think of Christmas! I now only wear glasses for driving and watching TV, with a pair for reading should my eyes get tired. I hate small print - I can't see labels on clothes telling me how to wash them and the information supplied with tablets is printed so small as to make it illegible too. I bought a magnifying glass. Woah! I can read these things now :-) Go get your glasses I am off to get some new reading lenses, the magnifying glass is rather large to carry around...

Cheryl said...

My heart just broke a little bit reading this. I've had to wear glasses since I was in my 20s for astimatism and distance. The astimatism is a drag because I couldn't wear OTC glasses when the time came when I needed something for closer work.

I tried progressives years ago and ended up sick as a dog. If you've got motion sickness, don't do it.

I can get away without wearing glasses for most reading. I have to wear progressives for work, anything computer-related, and even sometimes when I read. I wear my distance glasses for everything else to avoid tripping over the floor.

Carry a 2nd pair for awhile if you can visualize yourself with a bigger bag.

Sioux Roslawski said...

Katie---I have worn glasses for most of my adult life, and then got to the point where I could not see close up with my glasses on, but I certainly needed them for distance. Also, my insurance would not pay for "no line" bifocals, and since I was not ready to look like an old lady, I resorted to wearing one contact lens (for distance). My eyes have adjusted quite well---one eye is for distance and the other is for close up. I hope you find glasses/a solution that will work for you.

Patricia said...

My eye guy keeps sending me reminder cards, but since I lost my insurance it is $188 a visit not to mention the cost of the glasses. I have worn them since I was 6 and now have blurry eyes most of the time after reading - thus I love my kindle which can change font size - relief.

Progressive is a great word - fabulous word and nice when you can share a good discussion too!

I wore contacts and glasses all through school, that solution worked very well...and then I did not have so many pairs...

My purse is huge because I now don't go anywhere without my kindle too! gotta read - I think most folks just assume it is a shopping bag, because it is canvas and I put my goods in it when I shop and do not take the bags..
Ah enough
Behold a great vision - with joy!
Happy Holidays

Pearl said...

Have been wearing glasses since the Earth cooled, I'm afraid, although I've just recently graduated to "progressives".

I have a male friend who steadfastly refuses to wear glasses. He says the soft focus on the women, in particular, makes everyone better looking.

I like how he thinks, although I will not let him drive with me in the car. :-)


Jayne Martin said...

I've been blind as a bat since high school. The original Mr. Magoo. I wear contacts, but still need to wear reading glasses. I'm tempted to have surgery if I can ever afford it. Although, there are really a lot of cute frames these days.

Kristy said...

I just want to get lasik and be done with the whole thing!

Diva said...

I've had to wear corrective lenses since third grade, so I guess I don't see it as a big deal. Like someone else said, there are really cute frames now. I just got some red ones!

Deb Shucka said...

Oh, these transitions are so hard! I have readers all over my house and a pair in my purse. I'd much rather that than glasses full time. Your eye guy sounds great!

Toni Ryan said...

lol - stumbled on this blog because I was thinking of that very commercial and her husband's long-awaited sigh of relief at the end of the commercial. "You got glasses!" LOL Then she actually saw what the schmuck looked like and left him.
I got lasik - was an expensive investment, but I've always had bad vision -- if your sight isn't "that bad", this route might be a good solution - good luck!