Monday, December 12, 2011

Monday Reruns: "Get Glasses, Alice!"

(original post-date: December 15, 2010)

Back in the ‘80’s, when I lived in New York, there was a television commercial that came on quite frequently. The protagonist – a yuppy’ish, urban woman – kept running into things. And so her friends kept imploring, “Get glasses, Alice!”

Needless to say, the ad was for a glasses-making outfit.

It might have been LensCrafters. In fact, I think it was. (And who knew, by the way, that they’d make such bank – 25 or so years later – when a certain perky pitbull from Alaska took center stage at a certain convention, but… that’s another story.)

Lately, I’ve been remembering the ad. I’ve been hearing someone whisper into my ear: “Get glasses, Alice!”

I am desperately in need of a visit to the eye doctor. (So desperate in fact that my audio-hallucinations allow someone to call me “Alice.”)

But it’s not that I don’t already have glasses…

I have three pairs.

From front to back, they are: the reading and beading glasses, for those activities that take place about 9-12 inches from my eyes; the computer glasses (which I am wearing now) – recommended for a 17-inch or so distance; and the movie and driving glasses, which I’ve lately worn on occasion when watching TV in my living room.

So, yes, I have glasses, but it may be time to make the leap.

I love it that what were once “trifocals” are now called “progressives.” That is, dare I say, progressive.

And while I am also of that ilk (progressive, I mean), I dread the next step.

The last time I was at the eye doctor (which was more than a year ago), I asked if it were time to “go there.”

He didn’t think so. “As long as you go through part of your day without glasses, then it isn’t time.” Because, as he explained, once you wear progressives, you’re committed to wearing glasses. All the time.

So that’s my dilemma. When I’m not reading or beading; when I’m not at the computer; when I’m not driving or watching a movie… I am generally not wearing glasses. And so: I don’t think of myself as a person who wears glasses.

But then… there are times when I look very closely at a shelf in my bathroom.


Maybe I need bathroom glasses, I think.

Or, there are those occasions when I’m meeting with a new client for the first time, and because my purse isn’t all that big, I’ve not brought along the various glasses. The driving pair is in the car, but otherwise, I am free of corrective lenses… I ask my new client for a business card, and she hands it to me. I then look at it, and I hope that those blurry lines I am looking at include an email address and a telephone number.

Of course, if the meeting’s going particularly well (and they usually do), I can just make a joke as I stretch out my arm so as to view the card.

But… even that move is getting dicey. So I wonder… should I shop for a purse large enough to carry all my glasses or should I see if any stores sell arm extenders – in which case, I suppose, I’d still need a larger purse.

I guess the best next step is to schedule an appointment with my eye doctor…

Actually, I’d like to see him again.

We always enjoy talking about current events and so forth.

We respect each other’s views.

Which is to say, we share a vision.

Which is to say… he’s delightfully progressive.


Cynthia said...

Sounds like you need a bigger bag to carry all those glasses, or I hate to say it but, decide to commit. Personally I wear my glasses for movies and driving, once in a while TV depending on the show.

Martha Mawson said...

How is that you can make puns without my feeling the need to groan? You are just that good, you know. least "progressives" don't have that discernible line between the various strengths. That being said, it means you have to find the "sweet spots" all on your own. They aren't really too bad, you know. It's nice to see all distances without having to change glasses.

Sioux said...

My insurance would not pay for "no line" bifocals, and since I felt I was too youthful to wear bifocals with a noticeable line on each lens, I went to one contact lens. One eye is for distance (the one with the contact) and the other is for close up. It works for me...

You have my sympathy. When our parts start failing us, it's pathetic.

elizabethanne said...

I became "progressive" at age 35. (I've always been a bit precocious... ;) ) Of course, I'd been wearing glasses constantly since I was 8 1/2, so that part was no big deal. I just wanted to be able to see!

Since this is a re-run, can you tell us what you finally decided? Have you joined the rest of us Progressive folk?

Katie Gates said...

@ elizabeth anne, re the update, I'm still going with three pairs, and I've yet to buy a larger purse. I am, however, remembering to take the reading glasses with me when I go out. ...I'm actually a good candidate for contacts, as one of my eyes is near-sighted and the other is far-. I don't think I'll go that route, though! Re precociousness, if it influenced vision, mine would be 20/20 :)

Jules said...

I have an eye doctor like that and my progressiveness is extremely dicey on stairs. :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Andrea said...

I love your puns and wordplay. Never stop!
Just catching up with you, Katie. What a crazy month this always turns out to be. I've missed your voice, but will happily spend a few minutes now in your virtual company.
BTW, I wear progressive lenses and have for years. They were hard for me to get used to. Go ahead and buy bigger purses. That's my recommendation.